Sunday, April 10, 2016

Kittens, the NCAA, and Jim Delany

The NCAA banned satellite camps last week because, well, I guess in some way they must hurt student-athletes. That has to be it because I read this on their website. It must be true:
We are committed to enforcing the rules, creating fair competition and establishing a positive competitive environment for student-athletes across the country. It's the responsibility of our universities, athletics programs, coaches, alumni, student-athletes and national office staff to be fully accountable at every level as we support student success. Values such as respect, caring, fairness, civility, honesty, integrity and responsibility are equally important on and off the field. No one is above the rules. Unfortunately, some people will try to break the rules—but to ensure a fair system, the rules and the consequences have to apply to everyone. Our goal is to further strengthen our culture of personal responsibility and individual accountability.
In addition to that statement being garden quality manure, I have a thousand other words to say on this topic (and other feelings about the NCAA which have been growing for years). Sadly, many of the words I want to use to describe the NCAA, and often the B1G, my mother would not wish me to share in a public forum. One of them might start with a "P".

So, with respect to my mother's memory, I bring you this kitten-filled photo essay on my feelings about the NCAA decision to forbid the use of satellite camps -- that evil, but heretofore legal practice so cleverly executed by Jim Harbaugh in the 2015 off-season. That same unfair tactic that put the SEC and  other morally upstanding conferences at such a competitive disadvantage. The NCAA and representatives from those poor, mistreated conferences voted to end that practice this year ... just as Michigan (and others who thought "why didn't we think of that?") were readying to rollout another set of camps this summer. Bring on the kittens!

The NCAA Snuggles with the SEC, ACC, and Big 12
Cute fluffy kittens from unfairly treated conferences catch a snuggle with Mark Emmert, the softest kitten of them all. These guys look pretty content and happy now, but for the past year, I guess you could say they've been staging a [wink, wink] Kitten Riot. "There's not enough room in the litter box for you, Harbaugh." Because it's already full of smelly ...

The B1G Has Our Back
Correction. The B1G is on its back. Just happy to have a job and rolling over in a cute, but submissive posture, we find B1G Commish Jim Delany responding to the NCAA decision. "I don't care what you do to Harbaugh, Mr. Emmert. The rest of my schools love it. Can you scratch my tummy?" This guy is an even softer kitten than Emmert.

On  Jim Harbaugh's (Imagined) Reaction
Unflappable in the face of adversity, Jim feasts on the kitten-like attempts to stop him from his mad and brilliant quest. "Eat more kitten. It tastes like vitamins. Got milk, anyone?"

When asked about his feelings on the ruling, Mark Dantonio was effusive in his support. "Camps were disrespectful and that little weasel got what he deserved. I hate the weasels. I hate kittens. And some days, I just hate green. You know, it's not easy being green. It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things. And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water or stars in the sky. Kermit sang that. Hated it. Hate puppets.'  Well, except for the NCAA.

There are rumblings of discontent over the decision in many places inside and outside of Ann Arbor and who knows what will happen. I suspect because it's the NCAA and the NCAA is ... a kitten... nothing will happen. And next year, we'll see the Jim Harbaugh Spring Break Rule enacted for the protection of student-athletes and SEC schools everywhere. Count on it.

Winning in spite of it all is going to be beautiful.

Go Blue. In Harbaugh we trust!