Hey there, Michigan fans! It's been a while. How's the world treatin' you these days? I haven't seen much news lately, 'cause I'm pretty busy developing my Wildcats, but I always liked y'all and thought we were doing good back there. I don't know what that runnin' me out of town was. I know you wanted a Michigan man who understood your traditions and woulda done Bo proud. I'm guessin' you thought you found him waitin' by the phone at SDSU. Right? Sheeyit. Now Brady's a nice guy. He and I are real different coaches but we do some things the same. Look at me. I clap on the sidelines all the time just like him.
Why does your coach clap? I'll tell you why. He claps 'cause he's making 4 million dollars whether y'alls team ever sees the inside of the red zone from week to week. He's clappin' 'cause there's leftover pizza back at Schembechler Hall if that game would just end already. I remember that. It was damn good pizza and I used to clap for it, too.
Know why I clap now? 'Cause my 5-0 team just f***ing beat Oregon, the #2 team in the country. We own'em. Killed'em last year, too, and by a bigger margin, but it didn't mean as much. They were only #5 then.
It's been fun. I smile. All. Day. Long. Have a nice weekend in New Jersey. I'll be clapping for y'all.